Real change and consistency

Real change is hard to accomplish. A lot of people have the belief that people never TRULY change. Where do you stand in this? Have you seen people in your life change? In the last 5 years, have you changed?

The secret to real change is in a persons ability to be consistent. When you are developing new habits and ways of being, if you’re not consistent, you will change for a little while and then your old habits will start to creep back in.

I personally struggle to be consistent. I also know that I am not alone in that. Consistency is hard. I see it in my parenting, in my ability to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and in my ability to stay organized.

My old supervisor once shared with me, “When you are doing therapy right, it will be therapeutic for you too.”

In a session with a client talking about the very idea of consistency and how to improve in it, I felt inner transformation happening in both of us.

As we talked through the things that get in the way I discovered that what prevents people from being consistent is their “self-tallk.”

It seemed so simple to come to this realization but it was also so earth shattering at the same time. While I encouraged my client to adjust their self talk I made a mental note to try the same.

What was most important was the way that I would talk to myself after falling into an old pattern and how I would talk to myself after accomplishing something.

My internal dialogue used to sound like this:

“You are just a messy person”

“The room is already a mess, you don’t have to put that away.”

“You do this to yourself”

“Yeah you cleaned today, but you’ll just let it get bad again tomorrow.”

“I’m a bad wife, I don’t cook, and I can’t keep the house clean”

No wonder I struggled to change!

I have since then learned that this internal dialogue is so similar in the clients I have the privilege of working with.

When a client of mine worked hard to change their self-talk, they saw their ability to be consistent, increase. And so did I.

My internal dialogue now sounds like this:

“Oh wow this is a mess, If I clean this section up I’ll be able to focus better.”

“If I make the bed, I will feel much more accomplished today.”

“Wow look at how good you’ve been doing to clean a little more every day.”

“I didn’t get to the dishes tonight, but it’s okay I can do them in the morning.”

“I am doing a great job of being the wife I want to be, let’s keep this going.”

The way we handle ourselves when we fail and when we succeed really impact our ability to make lasting and sustainable change.

Encourage yourself to meet your goals, and celebrate your victories big and small. Real change, is just around the corner.