New years and new hope
The beauty of the New Year is that is brings new hope. Its a great time to reflect on our most recent season of life and ask ourselves important questions. Birthdays and New Years have a way of prompting us to reflect. Something that I have learned from personal experience and the experience of those I have the pleasure of sitting with in the therapy room is that there are some key things that make our reflection and goal setting more successful and productive.
Self compassion. If we reflect on our last season with shame and self loathing, we will rarely make realistic goals for ourself. Without self compassion we won’t really have the motivation that can sustain any change. It will be temporary motivation thats quick and it will burn out fast. When we look at ourselves as worthy of love and worthy of the best care, we care for ourself through the hard changes we try to make. We speak to ourselves in a kind motivating way and we keep it going because we feel encouraged and not condemned.
Accountability. Having someone who you can be completely honest with about your goals can help you stay on track. Someone who is on your team and wants the best for you. Sometimes this is a therapist, sometimes its a best friend, or maybe even a spouse. We are a people kind of people. Yes even those of us who are introverted. We were created to need each other. Its a beautiful need. When we have someone who knows us and loves us check in with us, encourage us and even pray for us, we believe in ourselves more and our chances of making that change permanent increases.
Surrender. This is a new idea to me when it comes to change and goal setting. I know the importance of surrender when it comes to faith in God. But I have now seen first hand the power of surrender in our ability to change. When we are able to say- “I’m not strong enough to do this on my own, Lord I need you.” This allows us to have a pause where we didn’t have one before. I have seen this in my own life. Before I engage in an old habit that was harmful or that I am trying to change, I can now pause, and surrender, acknowledge I can’t do it on my own and ASK God to strengthen me.
